So, I haven't blogged much lately. Not many people have. I think it's going out of style and the new thing is twitter. But sometimes you just can't fit everything into 140 characters.
This is a story of God's Perfect Timing.
On March 4th I was laid off. I kinda knew it was coming, so it wasn't a big surprise, or even sad. It was actually quite a relief.
And though I did legitimately look for another job, I didn't find one for a full 6 weeks, which was exactly the amount of time I had before my big BIOLA MA AL comprehensive exams. So instead of spending every Saturday at the library (every turned into most. trust me, most is better than every), I was able to get much done during the week and definitely take a load of stress off.
During that time I got a call from the director of the Literacy Coalition of Central Texas with a job offer. I took my last exam on April 15th and began working with the Coalition on April 18th. I am working with a new program called the Learner Web, assisting volunteer tutors as they help adults learn the computer and internet basics.
And what's even better is that the position is part time contract, which means I work from home and make my own hours. This allows me to teach an ESL class at Dell Children's Hospital two days a week with an organization called English @ Work. The class is rather large at 25 students, so I have a wonderful volunteer who will be helping for the full 24 weeks of the class. My students are from Mexico, El Salvador, Cuba, Burma, Somalia, Vietnam and Iraq. They work in the Environmental Services Department (housekeeping) at Dell Children's. They are one of the most fun group of students I have ever had in class.
I also had the opportunity recently to be trained as a trainer with the Central GREAT Center, which is a part of the Texas State University system, as well as a part of the federal Adult Education programs. I and a partner presented Teaching Multi-Level Classes to a group of 18 ESL and GED teachers in early May and had a great time.
So that's what's going on in our world these days. My days are enjoyable slow, and yet still full. I am not complaining about getting to sleep till 8:00 and drink my coffee as I wake up with Matt Lauer, Meredith Viera, Al Roker and Ann Currey.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
wisdom
I've been re-reading J.I Packer's Knowing God (and so any quote here that is not from scripture is from this book, in italics).
The most recent chapter is entitled God's Wisdom and Ours. Packer discusses God's wisdom as a communicable trait, meaning that it is one which he communicates to us. We can have wisdom by asking for it, and by "[letting] the word of God dwell in you richly..." (Colossians 3:16).
But my curiosity is this - what does it mean to have wisdom?
Packer answers this with the book of Ecclesiastes. We must be realists. We must realize that this world simply does not make sense. It seems to be vanity, worthless, purposeless. In God's communicating to us his wisdom, he does not give us all knowledge of his purposes. He does not give us divine understanding of his workings. "For the truth is that God in his wisdom, to make and to keep us humble and to teach us to walk by faith, has hidden from us almost everything that we should like to know about the providential purposes which he is working out in the churches and in our lives."
But the guidance we do get about wisdom from Ecclesiastes, Packer says, is this:
Fear God and keep his commandment; trust and obey him; reverence him, worship him, be humble before him; live in the present and enjoy it thoroughly; seek grace to work hard at whatever life calls you to do, and enjoy your work as you do it; leave to God its issues; let him measure its ultimate worth; your part is to use all the good sense and enterprise at your command in exploiting the opportunities that lie before you.
We can be sure that the God who made this marvelously complex world order...and who later compassed the even greater redemption from sin and Satan, knows what he is doing, and "doeth all things well," even if for the moment he hides his hand [no, He does not remove it, but only hides it from our sight].
And so where does this leave us who tend to over analyze every detail of our lives (while somehow so easily trusting to God those big things for which we so obviously have no control)? How do I know if I am living in wisdom? How do I know if I actually have any good sense, or if I am fully exploiting the opportunities that lie before me? What is the fruit of wisdom?
The effect of his gift of wisdom is to make us more humble, more joyful, more godly, more quick sighted as to his will [refer back to Ecclesiastes], more resolute in the doing of it, and less troubled (not less sensitive, but less bewildered), than we were at the dark and painful things of which our life in this fallen world is full.
If I am to be confident that I am living in wisdom, then in all things I must say, "I don't know, but I trust Him."
God imparts to me only his wisdom, not his omniscience. And so in my ignorance of his purposes I must live at the end of myself, where I find Him, by faith that his wisdom will guide me in his good works prepared for me (Ephesians 2:10).
The most recent chapter is entitled God's Wisdom and Ours. Packer discusses God's wisdom as a communicable trait, meaning that it is one which he communicates to us. We can have wisdom by asking for it, and by "[letting] the word of God dwell in you richly..." (Colossians 3:16).
But my curiosity is this - what does it mean to have wisdom?
Packer answers this with the book of Ecclesiastes. We must be realists. We must realize that this world simply does not make sense. It seems to be vanity, worthless, purposeless. In God's communicating to us his wisdom, he does not give us all knowledge of his purposes. He does not give us divine understanding of his workings. "For the truth is that God in his wisdom, to make and to keep us humble and to teach us to walk by faith, has hidden from us almost everything that we should like to know about the providential purposes which he is working out in the churches and in our lives."
But the guidance we do get about wisdom from Ecclesiastes, Packer says, is this:
Fear God and keep his commandment; trust and obey him; reverence him, worship him, be humble before him; live in the present and enjoy it thoroughly; seek grace to work hard at whatever life calls you to do, and enjoy your work as you do it; leave to God its issues; let him measure its ultimate worth; your part is to use all the good sense and enterprise at your command in exploiting the opportunities that lie before you.
We can be sure that the God who made this marvelously complex world order...and who later compassed the even greater redemption from sin and Satan, knows what he is doing, and "doeth all things well," even if for the moment he hides his hand [no, He does not remove it, but only hides it from our sight].
And so where does this leave us who tend to over analyze every detail of our lives (while somehow so easily trusting to God those big things for which we so obviously have no control)? How do I know if I am living in wisdom? How do I know if I actually have any good sense, or if I am fully exploiting the opportunities that lie before me? What is the fruit of wisdom?
The effect of his gift of wisdom is to make us more humble, more joyful, more godly, more quick sighted as to his will [refer back to Ecclesiastes], more resolute in the doing of it, and less troubled (not less sensitive, but less bewildered), than we were at the dark and painful things of which our life in this fallen world is full.
If I am to be confident that I am living in wisdom, then in all things I must say, "I don't know, but I trust Him."
God imparts to me only his wisdom, not his omniscience. And so in my ignorance of his purposes I must live at the end of myself, where I find Him, by faith that his wisdom will guide me in his good works prepared for me (Ephesians 2:10).
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
grace
i don't think i fully understand Grace. true Grace.
my iPhone app dictionary defines grace as, "a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior."
the Bible tells us that grace is a "free gift", the result of "one act of righteousness [that] leads to justification."
ONE act of righteousness. not mine. i'm smart enough to know that. and even if i wasn't, the bible makes it pretty clear to me, "None is righteous, no, not one.' Romans 3:10
it was one righteous act by my superior, Jesus Christ - his death on the cross.
and not only that, but it was a FREE GIFT. i don't have to do anything for it. in fact, i can't. we've already covered my inability to be righteous. so it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to do any act that will lead to my justification.
so why don't i believe that the opposite is true? if i can't EARN my justification, why do i live as if i can lose it? will i ever be good enough? no. there is no one righteous. not one.
but also yes. because he has declared me so. in that ONE act of righteousness, he made me clean. forever. once for all. without my help.
so i cannot earn it, but i also cannot lose it. or to think of it another way, though i deserve his wrath, i will not bear it. it has already been born - in that one act of righteousness.
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
the hour I first believed.
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace.
my iPhone app dictionary defines grace as, "a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior."
the Bible tells us that grace is a "free gift", the result of "one act of righteousness [that] leads to justification."
ONE act of righteousness. not mine. i'm smart enough to know that. and even if i wasn't, the bible makes it pretty clear to me, "None is righteous, no, not one.' Romans 3:10
it was one righteous act by my superior, Jesus Christ - his death on the cross.
and not only that, but it was a FREE GIFT. i don't have to do anything for it. in fact, i can't. we've already covered my inability to be righteous. so it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to do any act that will lead to my justification.
so why don't i believe that the opposite is true? if i can't EARN my justification, why do i live as if i can lose it? will i ever be good enough? no. there is no one righteous. not one.
but also yes. because he has declared me so. in that ONE act of righteousness, he made me clean. forever. once for all. without my help.
so i cannot earn it, but i also cannot lose it. or to think of it another way, though i deserve his wrath, i will not bear it. it has already been born - in that one act of righteousness.
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
the hour I first believed.
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
the how's
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice!"
Philippians 4:4
But sometimes this life is hard. We live in a broken, fallen world. So how do we rejoice?
"...do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4: 6-7
The First How: WITH THANKSGIVING
It's easy to miss that if you're not paying attention. Paul doesn't say we'll have peace if we simply pray about our anxiety. We must pray with thanksgiving. But if I'm anxious, what do I have to be thankful for? It seems that there would be nothing, which is why I think Paul makes a point to tell us to pray with thanksgiving. It forces us to look for what we have to be thankful for in the situation.
The best way I can explain this is with an example - my exams. I'm anxious about this for many reasons, but mostly because I want to do well, I don't want to fail, but I'm worried that I will. When I allow myself to become overwhelmed with that, it seems there is not anything to be thankful for. But there is a lot:
1) I was allowed an extension so that I actually have the opportunity to take the exams and earn my MA (when they could have just cut me off with no opportunity)
2) The Lord has provided several resources for access to materials, including an online PDF, a few books that I still own, and access to the UT library
3) Budget cuts resulting in my lay off has allowed me much more time to study
4) And when I take all of this into consideration, I am reminded that the Lord loves and cares for me, even for those earthly things that cause me so much anxiety
With that simple starting point, praying with thanksgiving, my heart is already starting to change, to feel peaceful.
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."
Philippians 4:8
The Second How: THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS
The root of my anxiety is planted in my mind. It is when my thoughts dwell on that thing that causes the anxiety that my anxiety grows and becomes overwhelming. But Paul here gives me a solution to counteract those thoughts. I must fill my mind with that which is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely commendable, excellence and praiseworthy. If these things fill my mind, there will be no room for the anxiety.
So when that anxiety starts to creep back in, I think about what is true about the situation. And what is true about it? Well, to start with, all of those things for which I have to be thankful. That right there is truth. So why not dwell on what is true, rather than what is causing the anxiety? It is at that point that, "the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, [guards my] heart and mind in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:4
But sometimes this life is hard. We live in a broken, fallen world. So how do we rejoice?
"...do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4: 6-7
The First How: WITH THANKSGIVING
It's easy to miss that if you're not paying attention. Paul doesn't say we'll have peace if we simply pray about our anxiety. We must pray with thanksgiving. But if I'm anxious, what do I have to be thankful for? It seems that there would be nothing, which is why I think Paul makes a point to tell us to pray with thanksgiving. It forces us to look for what we have to be thankful for in the situation.
The best way I can explain this is with an example - my exams. I'm anxious about this for many reasons, but mostly because I want to do well, I don't want to fail, but I'm worried that I will. When I allow myself to become overwhelmed with that, it seems there is not anything to be thankful for. But there is a lot:
1) I was allowed an extension so that I actually have the opportunity to take the exams and earn my MA (when they could have just cut me off with no opportunity)
2) The Lord has provided several resources for access to materials, including an online PDF, a few books that I still own, and access to the UT library
3) Budget cuts resulting in my lay off has allowed me much more time to study
4) And when I take all of this into consideration, I am reminded that the Lord loves and cares for me, even for those earthly things that cause me so much anxiety
With that simple starting point, praying with thanksgiving, my heart is already starting to change, to feel peaceful.
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."
Philippians 4:8
The Second How: THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS
The root of my anxiety is planted in my mind. It is when my thoughts dwell on that thing that causes the anxiety that my anxiety grows and becomes overwhelming. But Paul here gives me a solution to counteract those thoughts. I must fill my mind with that which is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely commendable, excellence and praiseworthy. If these things fill my mind, there will be no room for the anxiety.
So when that anxiety starts to creep back in, I think about what is true about the situation. And what is true about it? Well, to start with, all of those things for which I have to be thankful. That right there is truth. So why not dwell on what is true, rather than what is causing the anxiety? It is at that point that, "the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, [guards my] heart and mind in Christ Jesus."
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Joy
It's amazing to me how much the bible talks about suffering. For some reason we think life should be easy and fun. You know, I'm a Christian, so Jesus will make everything perfect, right? Well, sort of. He will make everything perfect...some day. But that day hasn't yet come. In the meantime he has promised us not easy living, but suffering.
John 16:33
In the world you will have tribulation.
But when I add this to shedding my anxiety by working for the Lord, I have a little bit of trouble (hmm..well, he did promise it...). It is not the outcome of my work here on earth that matters, but the power and way in which I do it. So what exactly does that mean? It seems as though if I work within His power, for him and not for man, then my anxiety would disappear. But has it disappeared? Or just been replaced with complacency, annoyance, frustration, and a fair amount of anxiety remaining? What's missing?
Deuteronomy 28:45-47
...because you did not serve the Lord your God with joyfulness and gladness of heart, because of the abundance of all things.
JOY.
That's the missing ingredient.
The previous verses which led me to the conclusion that I must work for the glory of the Lord, not for my own success, may not have mentioned joy. There are, however, plenty of others that do. And be sure to notice how often joy is mentioned in the same breath as suffering or trials or affliction.
2 Corinthians 8:2
...for in a severe test of affliction, their abundance of joy and their extreme poverty have overflowed in a wealth of generosity on their part.
Colossians 1:11
May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy...
1 Thessalonians 1:6
...for you received the word in much affliction, with the joy of the Holy Spirit...
Hebrews 10:34
...you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you know that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one.
Hebrews 12:2
Jesus...who for the joy set before him, endured the cross...
James 1:2
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.
Nehemiah 8:9-12
...for the joy of the Lord is your strength.
Do these address my anxiety? My success? My approval? ANYTHING about ME?
NO.
Because I am not the point. God's glory is the point. And why shouldn't I find joy in that?
I have been freed from the burden of success. I have been freed from the burden of anxiety. God is sovereign and in control of everything. He simply has chosen to use me as his tool. That should fill up in me all the joy I can contain to the point of overflowing.
John 16:33
In this world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
John 16:33
In the world you will have tribulation.
But when I add this to shedding my anxiety by working for the Lord, I have a little bit of trouble (hmm..well, he did promise it...). It is not the outcome of my work here on earth that matters, but the power and way in which I do it. So what exactly does that mean? It seems as though if I work within His power, for him and not for man, then my anxiety would disappear. But has it disappeared? Or just been replaced with complacency, annoyance, frustration, and a fair amount of anxiety remaining? What's missing?
Deuteronomy 28:45-47
...because you did not serve the Lord your God with joyfulness and gladness of heart, because of the abundance of all things.
JOY.
That's the missing ingredient.
The previous verses which led me to the conclusion that I must work for the glory of the Lord, not for my own success, may not have mentioned joy. There are, however, plenty of others that do. And be sure to notice how often joy is mentioned in the same breath as suffering or trials or affliction.
2 Corinthians 8:2
...for in a severe test of affliction, their abundance of joy and their extreme poverty have overflowed in a wealth of generosity on their part.
Colossians 1:11
May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy...
1 Thessalonians 1:6
...for you received the word in much affliction, with the joy of the Holy Spirit...
Hebrews 10:34
...you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you know that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one.
Hebrews 12:2
Jesus...who for the joy set before him, endured the cross...
James 1:2
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.
Nehemiah 8:9-12
...for the joy of the Lord is your strength.
Do these address my anxiety? My success? My approval? ANYTHING about ME?
NO.
Because I am not the point. God's glory is the point. And why shouldn't I find joy in that?
I have been freed from the burden of success. I have been freed from the burden of anxiety. God is sovereign and in control of everything. He simply has chosen to use me as his tool. That should fill up in me all the joy I can contain to the point of overflowing.
John 16:33
In this world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Discovering My Idols
It might seem a bit odd for me to be excited about discovering a new sin in my life. But I am excited because that means that now I can allow Jesus to do His work and rid my life of this sin. You see, I've been fighting the symptoms for a very long time. But if all I ever do is medicate the symptoms, the disease will never go away.
I've been fighting anxiety for quite some time now. Actually, as long as I can remember. I always thought I just needed to trust God more, to have more faith, to pray more. And I probably do need all of those things. But those aren't the root of sin.
I also thought I just needed to give up control. Outcomes of future things are always unknown, and that makes me uncomfortable, because I want to be in control. So, I just need to give up all of my control to Jesus. That will cure my anxiety. Or will it? Thus far, it hasn't.
You see, I'm not anxious about EVERYTHING. I don't lack faith in EVERY area of my life. I don't seek control over every little detail - or even some of the big ones. When I was told that my position at work was being cut and I would be out of a job, I didn't panic. But when I look the study notes of my master's exams, I become almost paralyzed with fear. What's wrong here?
And then I finally began to see a pattern. When I became frustrated at work because I was told "no" to a project that was a requirement of our grant, my excuse for my frustration was that the program would fail and I would look like an idiot. My response to my anxiety about my exams is that I don't want my professors to see me as a failure. At first glance I saw this as an approval idol. And I'm sure there's a good portion of that there, too. But then I sat down and let the Lord really search my heart. I asked one question, "What do I let define me?" And he gave me one answer.
SUCCESS.
Success? Really? It's not that I don't work hard, but truth be told, I'm not that ambitious. I want to do my job well, but I don't have any desire to climb any professional ladder. I'm not searching for a career. Eventually we'll start a family, which means I'll stop working and stay home with the kids. And He's telling me that my idol is success?!
But you see, success is more than just about a career. Success is about every little thing I do. It doesn't matter what I do, as long as I am successful at it. If I know I won't be, I won't even try. And if I must, then I become paralyzed by a fear of failure.
But why is it so important? Why do I feel the need to prove myself? Because I do not depend on the power of Christ within me to do through me all that He has asked. And all of those other things, those earthly things, like work and exams and cooking and cleaning and relationships and service - my failure in these does not have any affect on the Kingdom, and therefore matters not as long as I do them for the King.
So my perspective has been all wrong. It is not the success or failure of my work that means anything at all. It is the power in which I do it. If I do it in my own power for my own glory, then any success will burn like straw. But if I do it in the power of Christ for His glory, then any failure will be redeemed for the Kingdom.
Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.
I've been fighting anxiety for quite some time now. Actually, as long as I can remember. I always thought I just needed to trust God more, to have more faith, to pray more. And I probably do need all of those things. But those aren't the root of sin.
I also thought I just needed to give up control. Outcomes of future things are always unknown, and that makes me uncomfortable, because I want to be in control. So, I just need to give up all of my control to Jesus. That will cure my anxiety. Or will it? Thus far, it hasn't.
You see, I'm not anxious about EVERYTHING. I don't lack faith in EVERY area of my life. I don't seek control over every little detail - or even some of the big ones. When I was told that my position at work was being cut and I would be out of a job, I didn't panic. But when I look the study notes of my master's exams, I become almost paralyzed with fear. What's wrong here?
And then I finally began to see a pattern. When I became frustrated at work because I was told "no" to a project that was a requirement of our grant, my excuse for my frustration was that the program would fail and I would look like an idiot. My response to my anxiety about my exams is that I don't want my professors to see me as a failure. At first glance I saw this as an approval idol. And I'm sure there's a good portion of that there, too. But then I sat down and let the Lord really search my heart. I asked one question, "What do I let define me?" And he gave me one answer.
SUCCESS.
Success? Really? It's not that I don't work hard, but truth be told, I'm not that ambitious. I want to do my job well, but I don't have any desire to climb any professional ladder. I'm not searching for a career. Eventually we'll start a family, which means I'll stop working and stay home with the kids. And He's telling me that my idol is success?!
But you see, success is more than just about a career. Success is about every little thing I do. It doesn't matter what I do, as long as I am successful at it. If I know I won't be, I won't even try. And if I must, then I become paralyzed by a fear of failure.
But why is it so important? Why do I feel the need to prove myself? Because I do not depend on the power of Christ within me to do through me all that He has asked. And all of those other things, those earthly things, like work and exams and cooking and cleaning and relationships and service - my failure in these does not have any affect on the Kingdom, and therefore matters not as long as I do them for the King.
So my perspective has been all wrong. It is not the success or failure of my work that means anything at all. It is the power in which I do it. If I do it in my own power for my own glory, then any success will burn like straw. But if I do it in the power of Christ for His glory, then any failure will be redeemed for the Kingdom.
Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.
Monday, March 7, 2011
meals on a budget
So, I haven't posted in quite a while. Things have been, well, a little crazy. But the craziness ended on Thursday afternoon and now I have a lot of time to learn to make meals...on a budget.
Now don't get me wrong, I've always lived on a budget. But our budget has recently diminished. And since most of our expenses are set (mortgage, utilities, etc.), it's the food budget that will get tweeked.
However, there's only so much pasta and breakfast tacos I can handle in one week. So, this post is a request for meals/recipes on a budget. I need something tasty, and some variety, but also very low cost.
Whatcha got?
Now don't get me wrong, I've always lived on a budget. But our budget has recently diminished. And since most of our expenses are set (mortgage, utilities, etc.), it's the food budget that will get tweeked.
However, there's only so much pasta and breakfast tacos I can handle in one week. So, this post is a request for meals/recipes on a budget. I need something tasty, and some variety, but also very low cost.
Whatcha got?
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